Tag Archives: Dads

Encouraging Parents

“Parenting is the most challenging and is the most rewarding job there is” says, Christian Ross, Dad

Starts at Home encourages parents with children under seven years of age. You’ve heard it said it “starts at home”.  Children don’t come with instruction manuals.  Starts at Home are people who love parents and children, who are devoted to helping children achieve the best in whatever God given talents they have.

Parents are empowered to teach good attitudes and skills like faith, sharing, obedience, honoring parents, reading, math, memory, budgeting, and other practical life skills. We want our children to be the best they can be, giving them the freedom to choose their path in life.

We believe that parents whether married, single, or custodial, can teach children and protect them against the temptations they will face in the world like, unhealthy eating, sexual permissiveness, illegal drugs, internet safety, selfish pride, and excessive materialism.

We have a lot of work when it comes to loving the children and encouraging parents. There’s a lot of traumatized children out there.. Charles Manson, a life-sentenced murderer,  is an example; he grew up without the love of nurturing parents and eventually release his ugly anger.  When Charles Manson was born his mother did not give him a name, later, his mother sold him for a pitcher of beer.

In the United States, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics,  “the homicide 1) rate doubled from the early 1960s to the late 1970s, increasing from 4.6 per 100,000 U.S. residents in 1962 to, 2)  9.7 per 100,000 by 1979,  3) in 1980 the rate peaked at 10.2 per 100,000,  and 4) subsequently fell  to 7.9 per 100,000 in 1984. 5) The rate rose again in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s to another peak in 1991 of 9.8 per 100,000. 5) The homicide rate declined sharply from 9.3 homicides per 100,000, 6) in 1992 to 4.8 homicides per 100,000 in 2010″.

The poverty of no love and rejection can lead to many forms of mental illness. With hope, faith, and love, we come to serve. We are a group of individuals, businesses, organization working together to help families because children are not born with instructions.  For more information on this group see the Organization in this website.

We would be pleased to have you be part of Starts at Home, call us at (808) 937-4392,  or email us at startsathome@hotmail.com.  Have a wonderful and joy filled day!

  • This article was originally published on April 4, 2010

By Carl Okuyama

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Crying for the Children – Child Abuse, Rejection, Depression, and Healing

 

Healing Parents Who Were Abused As Children

Crying for the Children

Lately people have been sharing their intimate childhood stories of parental abuse- abuse which has left them deeply scared with feelings of guilt that they were somehow at fault for their parents’ abusive behavior.  Our heart cries for these people whose childhoods were robbed this way, for their lives have been negatively affected as they struggle with their guilt, not realizing that it was not their fault.  As adults, they carry a heavy burden of pain and my heart is heavy for them. We thank them for sharing their stories to provide help to others who have the same experiences; their testimonials have healing power.

As innocent and impressionable children they were robbed of  joy when parent(s) or other person abuses them verbally or physically. It saddens us as we listen to their experiences of physical beatings, incest, rejection, verbal abuse, cruelty and in some cases, attempted murder.  These wounds often remain open and need healing so that the abuse victim can understand that they were not at fault, and can learn to release this undeserved feelings of guilt and to love themselves again.  Then can they can begin to love others while continuing to be healed from their past abuses, they will evolve to love their spouses, children, friends,  and raise a family.

Without the healing process, abuse is well fated to become a generational problem.  This means that at the very least, child abuse may continue to the next generation as victims grow up to abuse their own or other children;  at the most, it may escalate to murder or suicide that often winds up on the front page news with most such sad endings  not even acknowledged in the newspaper or television.

Child abuse is a huge challenge we face not only as a country, but as a threat to mankind as well.  The horrific spirit of rejection and depression runs deep in its victims, and with time broadens its reach, as evidenced by the increase in violent crimes and the breakdown of the family and social values.

Love can heal these deep wounds.   All children are special, trusting, and very impressionable.   Abused children are quiet, afraid to speak out because they are ashamed, have low esteem, and most of all afraid.  Kids…. it’s NOT YOUR FAULT!   Stop listening to the past and the discouraging words that were spoken to you, God would not say those things or do those things to you. Your precious childhood is fleeting and needs to be enjoyed, filled with innocent joy and discovery of life, with guidance on your path to a well-adjusted and righteous adulthood walk with God.

If you ran away from home, it was because there was no love there, and no nurturing environment.  Perhaps in your search for love, you looked in the wrong places and no wonder – you were never taught in a loving and disciplined home.  It all should have started at home; a place you never had.

Help Us to Be Loving and Use Discipline Wisely

  • Help us to forgive our parents or foster parents for the wrongful things they did or said.  Strengthen me to honor and love my parents despite the errors of their ways. Lift my spirit to worship only the one and loving God and forgive me for worshiping my parents. I will honor my parents and worship God.
  • Help us to control our anger and our tongue, knowing what we say we cannot take back our words and actions.  Help our words to be encouraging and let those words create new hope, faith, and new life.
  • Help us to use discipline wisely in a loving way, being slow to anger, and not enabling poor and abusive behavior.
  • Help us not to look back in bitterness, remaining stuck in the past; instead keep our attention focused on the good life of a promising future.

There is hope and we are encouraged,  knowing healing will come to mankind as He brings fathers and mothers back to their children, and the children back to their parents.

Our prayer

Lord help us to love our neighbors and help heal those who were victims of abuse;  help them to forgive those who wronged them like you have forgiven us for our sins, and restore them to new fruitful productive  living. Amen.

Original publish date, September 26, 2012

Precious Time with Dad – Happiness Starts at Home with a #Gooddad

Precious time with Dad

To find happiness Walt Disney said,  “A man should never neglect his family for business.”  Oil Tycoon J. Paul Getty said “I hate to be a failure. I hate and regret the failure of my marriages. I would gladly give all my millions for just one lasting marital success.”  And, U.S. President Bill Clinton said “The single biggest social problem in our society may be the growing absence of fathers from their homes and children.”

In an article found in the website of  the U.S. Department of  Health and Human Services, Office of Population Affairs, we are reminded and too familiar with the statistics of being raised in a fatherless homes; at JSI Research and Training Institute’s conference,  moderated by, Gilbert Chavez, 06-10-09, he reminds us that fatherless homes are:

  • 5 times more likely to commit crimes,
  • 9 times more likely to drop out of school
  • 20 times more likely to end up in prison
  • Forty percent of all children born in America today will be born to unmarried parents.

This article focuses on how we as fathers can be a #Gooddad to strengthen our relationship with our children and spouse.

First and importantly a family starts at home with a good husband or father who loves God and sacrifices time and resources for their spouse and children.  This is a cornerstone and foundation of a good family. It’s not about how much money we make or how active and recognized we are in the community, instead it’s about the quality time spent with our children and how we lovingly encourage, teach, discipline, and empower our children.

Here are some Ideas for Husbands, #Gooddads, and Parents.

  1. Come to agreement that you place your wife/spouse and children as the most important part in your life.  The material things in life – although very important – will be taken care of even when we often just don’t see how it will all work out.  Dining out, a new television, computer, car, a second car, another promotion at work, a boat, social clubs, an airplane, etc…  are not as important as a healthy close knit family and it’s not the “bling” at the end that makes you sing.
  2. We make sacrifices for our spouses and children, we give up on “my turn”  for them, “my turn” will eventually come up again. Remember what J.P. Getty mentioned? … he regretted ALL his failed marriages and would give up ALL his money for one successful marriage, all his riches did not bring him peace and happiness, he could not buy what he cherished.  Work six days a week and try not to work seven days, instead, have a guiltless day off… one day off will rejuvenate yourself and others around you.
  3. We will not judge our spouse and will accept them as they are, differences and all. Not accepting their differences and arguing with them while having or hiding your own faults may lead to the break up a marriage and family.
  4. Hug your spouse and children daily, they love and need to hear .. “I Love You”; you may share a small gift, or leave a small note. Those three simple words are magic when they come from your heart. Your agape love heals, rejuvenates, builds a family, and strengthens humanity.
  5. Dads, when children come into your life, make changes in your routine to be with them, and to help your wife raise them. You can include the children in your events, so that they don’t feel rejected.  It’s important that you help with the feeding late of nights, change the diapers, take the children to the doctor, read to the children, play with them, discipline and don’t enable them and spoil them, take them to the sports or hobbies they enjoy, go to the parent student conferences, attend their practices, go camping, travel together, and those fun things in life.  The children want and need you in their lives and they will follow you, or they may run away from the home.
  6. Help around the house with chores, especially when both parents work.  Teach the children to have their share of the chores; surprisingly the work gets done and there’s more time for other activities.
  7. Teaching takes time and patience, and when the children learn they become productive members of the family and the home runs more smoothly. Teach them chores, show them good values, help with their school’s homework.  It was gratifying to see in Honolulu Magazine’s May 2010, Mililani School had the highest ranking of over 250 schools in Hawaii, and not surprisingly parent participation they ranked the best in Hawaii and the school did extremely well national quantifiable test scores; this was contrary to the school with the lowest parenting rating and was ranked the worst of the schools  in Hawaii.
  8. Know that each of your children are different, encourage them in their own interests and watch them grow, help them find their way in life and let them live their lives, as parents we are there to encourage them and pick them up when they fall. They will find their way when we let them fall, cry; then hug them, and say,”It will be fine and you’ll get that right on your next try”.
  9. Along life’s path, suffering will occur, you’re not alone, when our children see us suffering, they learn to get through the suffering too, we teach other not to give up.
  10. Take the children out for treat for a job well done, we like rewards that we earn.

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Starts at Home was started at pot dinners at Carl and Amy’s home on the second Tuesday of the month, they featured a speaker and gave parents a chance to ask questions.  The gathering starts at 5:30 pm and ends before 8:00 pm. If you’re in Hilo, Hawaii, you were welcome to come.

Power Parenting by Leonard Mukai, Ph.D.

ADD, ADHD, RAD? DON’T BE MISLED

You’re OK, your children are OK, and you just need some TOOLS to make parenting and life less stressful and much more enjoyable. Come to Power Parenting to help change children’s behaviors. You will learn:

1. How to never argue with your children again.

2. How to help them improve school performance.

3. How to have your children listen to you.

4. How to have your children respect you.

5. How to have a healthy and happy home!

When: January 19 and 26, February 2,9, and 23 from 6:00-8:00pm.

Where: Thy Word Ministries, Awapuhi St (off E. Kahaopea below Baskin- Robbins)

Call Leonard Mukai, PhD, CPC, Parent Project Facilitator: 935-7050   Cost: $150 covers book, parents and grandparents

Happy New Year!

Aloha, Leonard (808) 935-7050

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Note: Leonard Mukai, PhD. and Cecelia Mukai, PhD. are affiliates  of Starts at Home and has moderated numerous parenting potluck dinners. Leonard is a certified Life Coach. The above program is excellent and highly recommended.

Leonard Mukai