Tag Archives: Marriage

Encouraging Parents

“Parenting is the most challenging and is the most rewarding job there is” says, Christian Ross, Dad

Starts at Home encourages parents with children under seven years of age. You’ve heard it said it “starts at home”.  Children don’t come with instruction manuals.  Starts at Home are people who love parents and children, who are devoted to helping children achieve the best in whatever God given talents they have.

Parents are empowered to teach good attitudes and skills like faith, sharing, obedience, honoring parents, reading, math, memory, budgeting, and other practical life skills. We want our children to be the best they can be, giving them the freedom to choose their path in life.

We believe that parents whether married, single, or custodial, can teach children and protect them against the temptations they will face in the world like, unhealthy eating, sexual permissiveness, illegal drugs, internet safety, selfish pride, and excessive materialism.

We have a lot of work when it comes to loving the children and encouraging parents. There’s a lot of traumatized children out there.. Charles Manson, a life-sentenced murderer,  is an example; he grew up without the love of nurturing parents and eventually release his ugly anger.  When Charles Manson was born his mother did not give him a name, later, his mother sold him for a pitcher of beer.

In the United States, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics,  “the homicide 1) rate doubled from the early 1960s to the late 1970s, increasing from 4.6 per 100,000 U.S. residents in 1962 to, 2)  9.7 per 100,000 by 1979,  3) in 1980 the rate peaked at 10.2 per 100,000,  and 4) subsequently fell  to 7.9 per 100,000 in 1984. 5) The rate rose again in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s to another peak in 1991 of 9.8 per 100,000. 5) The homicide rate declined sharply from 9.3 homicides per 100,000, 6) in 1992 to 4.8 homicides per 100,000 in 2010″.

The poverty of no love and rejection can lead to many forms of mental illness. With hope, faith, and love, we come to serve. We are a group of individuals, businesses, organization working together to help families because children are not born with instructions.  For more information on this group see the Organization in this website.

We would be pleased to have you be part of Starts at Home, call us at (808) 937-4392,  or email us at startsathome@hotmail.com.  Have a wonderful and joy filled day!

  • This article was originally published on April 4, 2010

By Carl Okuyama

The Spirit of Father’s Day – Honoring Our Dads

Happy Father’s Day dad, although you’re not here, I just wanted to say thanks to all the lessons in life you taught and opportunities you put in front of me. The great mystery in life is how they all seem to connect for the good, where the dotted lines are connected by God and faith. On Father’s Day we honor you.

Tomoo "Tom" Okuyama
Happy Father Day Dad.
Tomoo “Tom” Okuyama
Dad, my cheering section, and coach.

Here’s a poem “My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and me watch him do it” by Clarence B. Kelland;  it’s definitely a good example for fathers to follow.

Many times children are raised up by a father who is not their biological father, today we honor these fathers too.  And finally and most importantly,  there’s our heavenly Father, a Father who is perfect, a Father we can worship as compared to our earthly father who we honor.

With His Love, Happy Father’s Day!

Written by Carl Todaha-Okuyama



It’s all about family helping nurture and loving the children, creating the bond,  the trust bridge that builds future lasting relationships. Thank you dads, brothers, uncles, and friends for the time together!

Professional Workshop on Helping Children – Parents, Inc. Hawaii, May 4 & 18

This is an opportunity to enhance your knowledge on how to help children cope with difficult family situations. Starting at Home believes in preventing a divorce, however should it happen, knowledge to mitigate negative impacts are important to understand.

Workshop 1 (9:00am – Noon)
Understanding the Impact of Parental Divorce on Children and
Blended Family Issues
by Ms. Kathi Kreinik, MSW, ACSW, DCSW, BCD, LCSW

Workshop Content
The learning objectives for this workshop are to increase participants’ knowledge of the prevalence of divorce; how children feel, think and act when their parents divorce; and issues that stepfamilies encounter including parental authority, children’s acting out behaviors, family members’ feelings, thoughts, and actions; and how to make blended families work.

Speaker Bio
Kathi is currently retired after more than 40 years as a professional social worker. She has served as the Executive Director of both the NASW-Hawaii Chapter and Parents Anonymous, Hawaii. She also worked for the federal government in Family Advocacy. Her specialty is in the area of child abuse and neglect. Kathi has developed parenting and domestic violence curriculums, has taught parenting to thousands of parents, and has provided individual, couple, and family therapy to hundreds during her career. She is currently the President of the Board of Directors for P.A.R.E.N.T.S., Inc.

Workshop 2 (1:00pm – 4:00pm)
Understanding the Impact of Domestic Violence on Children
by Danielle Spain, Master of Counseling

Workshop Content
The learning objectives for this workshop include: increasing awareness of the effects of domestic violence on women, children and families; and one’s understanding of how the impact of domestic violence influences parenting and affects child development from perinatal through adolescence. Participants working in the helping professions will develop their competency in educating parents about the impact domestic violence has on their family system and will learn personal safety and self-care strategies to reduce potential danger and stress from working with families experiencing domestic violence.

Speaker Bio
Danielle has her Master’s in Counseling with emphasis in Marriage and family Therapy. Since 1999 she has been working with families afflicted by domestic violence. She and her husband are the parents of three biological children and 4 foster youth. She has extensive experience working with a number of social ills, including substance abuse, domestic violence and sex abuse. She is one of our Program Directors in East Hawaii.

Workshop Dates & Venues
Big Island Workshops: May 4 (Fri)
Address: Aupuni Center Conference Room, Rm 101 Pauahi St, Hilo, HI 96720
Oahu Workshops: May 18 (Fri)
Address: HawaiiUSA Federal Credit Union, 1226 College Walk, Honolulu, HI 96817
*Workshop content is the same in both locations.

Workshop Fees
$40 per workshop, $60 for both workshops
$30 per workshop, $50 for both workshops (for students)
Pricing is the same for Big Island and Oahu workshops.

For more information visit Parent’s Inc.’s website.


Starts at Home thanks PARENTS Inc. for their support at a Starts at Home parenting pot-luck dinner program, teaching about child abuse and sex education. Their professional programs are well attended and is a excellent training program for child development professional and empowered parents. We wish them well and much success; it’s about our children’s successful future.

Terry’s Eulogy – The Submissive Wife -“10 Who Made a Difference” Honolulu Star Bulletin 2009

Eulogy and Celebration of Terry Makino-Kaide’s Life

April 21, 1922 to March 30, 2012

Shared by Annette Clay, Charlotte Kaide, Gale Sakaguchi
Written and Presented by Carl Okuyama

This Eulogy represents the warm feelings that were spoken by Mrs. Kaide’s children, cousins, and aunties, who have a great story to share. They said mom touched the hearts of many because of her love, compassion, genuine kindness, and her thoughtfulness toward others, these were her special qualities. She always had great words of wisdom and was the rock and the glue in their family. The family would like to share and celebrate their mother’s life. This is a story of a submissive, nurturing wife, and mother.


Terry was born on April 21, 1922 in Maui to Shizuyo Abe and Masato Makino. She was the eldest of nine (9) children.

Terry Abe-Kaide, Hilo, Hawaii

Terry’s mother Shizuyo had a cleaning shop in Hilo and requested that Terry, at age 15 help her in the business and also to provide for her siblings. Terry made this sacrifice.

She attended Hilo Intermediate School, through the 9th grade. In order to honor her mom’s request, Terry was unable to attend high school; this did not stifle Terry’s desire and tenacity to further her education. Terry accepted the challenge to seek further education. On Sundays Terry would go to Mrs. Conquest’s home on Reed’s Island to study typing and shorthand.

It was after her brothers and sister were grown that Terry left for Honolulu to study at the Galusha Business School; earning a degree as a legal secretary. After graduation Terry, began working for Attorney Harlocker in Honolulu who encouraged her to take the civil service test. This led to Mrs. Kaide becoming a court room stenographer.

Sidney and Terry Kaide, married October 13, 1945, the beginning of a 64 year marriage.

The Abe’s were friends with the Kaides and this helped lead to the courtship of Terry and Sidney. Sidney was serving his county in the United States’ Army. They were married on October 13, 1945. They had three children, Annette, Charlotte, and Gale.

Besides her full time job at the court, Kaide was the chief administrator for her husband’s business, Sidney Kaide Contractor and Real Estate Developer Enterprise. It was Terry’s second full time job. She was a submissive and loving woman behind a great man who loved his wife. She was her husband’s voice coach and his biggest cheerleader in all his undertakings. Terry also enjoyed line dancing, and was a great singer but modest and humble.

At the same time she cared for her mother-in-law who lived with them and was in a wheelchair due to a stroke. The stamina needed to withstand such huge responsibilities is displayed by Terry’s fruit filled character and witnessed by, patience, determination, tenacity, courage, and long suffering.

Terry was gifted with quite an artistic talent and found time to do Japanese Sumie painting and was a member of the Sumie Society of Hawaii, Director of the Hilo
Chapter, she exhibited her exquisite paintings at the Japanese Brush Painting annual exhibitions in Honolulu Hale City Hall. She also enjoyed taking Ikebana classes,
Japanese flower arrangements. She received her instructor’s degree in teaching Ikebana.

For relaxation time gardening at her Hilo home was her passion, the Kaide’s were awarded a Certificate from the Better Homes and Gardens Magazine for their beautiful garden. Terry was blessed with a green thumb. People would stop to admire her lovely well-manicured garden that was her pride and joy. Another form of relaxation was travel; together Terry and Sidney pretty much sailed around the world by cruise ship.

She also was a good cook, who regularly cooked her favorite dishes for her friends and family. The family loved her Nishime and Shrimp Spaghetti. She would enjoy taking food to Ebesus’ a local FTD Florist, the ladies there were her close friends, among them Aunty Ann Kaya.

Mrs. Kaide culminated her civil service career in the court system as Chief Clerk of the Third Circuit Court in Hilo, which now is filled by attorney Lester Oshiro. She worked for the State Judicial system for 30 years.

The Kaides. L to R: Annette Clay, Sidney Kaide, Charlotte Kaide, Gaye Sakaguchi, Terry Kaide; celebrating the signing of SB190 into law, April 21, 2012, known as the “Love Bill”.

Most recently she was instrumental in passing Hawaii’s Senate Bill 190 into law and was recognized by the Honolulu newspaper Star Bulletin as “10 who made a difference in 2009”.

Terry’s life and marriage of sixty-four (64) years is a role model for our community. Today the sense of family and Ohana is greatly needed in today’s society. A family loves, nurtures, and helps to build a community and nation.

In closing, to find happiness Walt Disney said, ”A man should never neglect his family for business.” Oil Tycoon J. Paul Getty said “I hate to be a failure. I hate and regret the failure of my marriages. I would gladly give all my millions for just one lasting marital success.”

Beloved Terry, thank you for your legacy, thank you for your love.

On behalf of the Kaide Ohana, they would like to say to everyone, Mahalo Nui Loa for all your prayers… Aloha Ke Akua. We love you. Ua Mau Kea Ea O Ka Aina I Ka Pono, O Iesu Cristo!


It was a privilege to meet and become friends of Mr. & Mrs. Sidney Kaide. Their daughter Charlotte is a Christian missionary, she was one of the original individuals in a group that helped spawn Starts at Home.  I witness a miracle of healing after Mr. Kaide repented and accepted Jesus as his savior, this was during a time when Sidney who was normally 175 pound weighed less than 100 pounds, cancer stricken, his skin was an ugly green in color, he could hardly breathe; we were alone at Hilo Hospital’s Extended Care building; I was stunned and a bit afraid as Mr. Kaide repented.

The following year joyfully and with good heath Sidney sang his favorite karaoke songs at his 84th birthday. In later years, Terry also accepted Jesus Christ.  Pastor George Karves shared the Celebration of Life at both Terry’s and Sidney’s life and I was privileged to present both their eulogies.  Thank you to key Hawaii legislators who helped with the passage of SB190, Senator Dwight Takamine, Representatives John Mizuno and Clifton Tsuji.  Also, to Helen Sumoba-Saplan’s care home for seniors that provided a nurturing place for the Kaide’s.  And most importantly to God we give all the Glory … our heavenly father!