Sibling Bonding, No Rivalry, and the #MommyHelper

Here Come #3 Child
Mom a few week’s before giving birth to Justin. Kimberly 3 years old, Jeffrey 2 years old, and Justin coming soon.

The year was 1983, Amy is at the Hilo Hospital and she just gave birth to Justin, our third child. Kimberly was three years old and Jeffrey two years old, they both were eager to visit mom and their new brother.  Like the saying “you never get a second chance to make a first impression”, before leaving for the hospital I asked the children, “we’re going to visit your brother, the poor guy has no teeth, no toys, and some clothes; do you think you can share and help him?”  Jeffrey and Kimberly quickly noded with a smile and said “yes”, Kimberly handed over a toy and said “he can have this”.  This was one way to plant seeds for a helpful and sharing family.

It’s now 2015, thirty-three (33) years have passed and Kimberly, RN worked at Queen’s Hospital’s Trauma Center of the Pacific, and Queen’s Mililani Emergency, she and her husband Christian just had their second child his name Cody.  Although time has changed the spirit of helping and sharing has carried on.  Now, her daughter Andee who just made three years old, in the name of building and helpful family is being promoted to a new and very important job – Mommy Helper. Congratulations Christian and Kimberly, you’re great parents.

cody and Andee first kiss
Andee gives Cody her first kiss, she’s been waiting for this day for months.

Teach sharing and helping others.  It’s good to facilitate the concept of “ours” verses “all mine”.  “All mine” promotes selfishness, egotism, and a may foster a bully in our mists.  A challenge for an informed parent is knowing the concept of siblings not wanting to share their mommy or daddy when new siblings are born, this can pose a challenge as the earlier born children doesn’t want to loose or share the attention of their parents to the new baby.  A suggestion would be mom or dad asking the children to be a Mommy or Daddy Helper, to help with small chores that give children the  opportunity to be with their parents and be complimented and encouraged.

These chores are performed together with the older child, newborn, and parent. This may take the form of helping change the baby’s clothes, feeding the baby, giving a bath, pushing the stroller, changing the diapers, going shopping, or other family chores together.  When showing the newborn to family and friends, you can keep the older child in the conversation by asking “Andee, uncle Justin wants to know how much did Cody weigh at birth?” Keep giving the children the attention they shared before the the newborn arrived. Keep up the great job you’re doing!

By Carl Okuyama

Andee's smile says it all.  Andee is now a Mommy Helper.  Yay!!!
Andee’s smile says it all. Andee is now a #MommyHelper and #DaddyHelper. Yay!!!
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Make Family Time a New Year’s Resolution

Wishing you and your family a very happy, healthy and peace filled New Year
Wishing you and your family a very happy, healthy and peace filled New Year.  Photo taken by Karen Clark, Hawaii Volcanoes National Park, the most active volcano in the world.

As we begin a new year, make enjoying family time a New Year’s Resolution.  That’s a resolution you’ll not regret and the benefits are eternal.  Although you don’t see the benefits immediately, have faith and watch the fruits of your labor of precious time grow. We all need hugs and someone to be with. Here are some bonding and family time ideas.

  • Have weekly dinners with family, more often is great.
  • Do chores together and help one another, do family as a team.
  • Plan a vacation and travel together.
  • Look for special occasion to celebrate one another, such as birthdays, anniversaries, nation and local holidays.
  • Do camping trips together, enjoy the beach, mountains, snow, and outings
  • Enjoy sport events together.
  • Go to the movies or music event.
  • Play, teach, and listen to music and entertainment together.
  • Spend time with grandparents and family members who live at their own places.
  • Find a church you enjoy and attend regularly with family members.

With Love and Respect,

Amy and Carl

Our Vision, Mission, Principals, and Goals

Vision Statement

A Parenting Revival

Building the Family

Mission and Roots

Starts at Home seeks to elevate the community’s awareness of positive parenting.

Starts at Home seeks to encourage fathers to love their wives and together raise their children in a manner that builds stronger families and communities.

Starts at Home seeks to encourage parents, whether married, single, or custodial, in early childhood development education of children.

Statement and Purpose

We believe when we encourage, love and discipline children, they will follow;

We believe positive parenting starts early in life by teaching children age appropriate concepts before the age of seven.

We come not to judge but to encourage and share with parents and children.

We believe a parent’s love is the greatest gift to children.

We seek to build more dual parenting household.

We seek to have fathers share more of a parenting role in the household.

We walk in Faith.

Ten Basic Principals

1. Faith in God is the foundation of the home.

2. The home is led with loving parents sacrificing for their spouses and children.

3. Love is patient, kind, not envy, not boast, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrong doing, forgives, not delight in evil, rejoices with the truth, always protects, trusts, hopes, preserves. Love never fails.

4. Children are taught basic attitudes and skill before the age of seven including: Love, discipline, sharing, listening, honesty,  memory, curiosity, sex, no to drugs, chores, safety, internet safetyreading, math, science, musicecology, skills, language, and manners.

5. Encouragement is needed to motivate and foster a child’s growth. Our words and actions will build or destroy a child’s future. Every child is different and has a special talent that needs nurturing.

6. Being too lenient is harmful and may produce spoiled children with super controlling egos, anarchism, and harmful pride.

7. When we love the children they will obey and follow. We want to prevent a child from feeling rejected.

8. Parenting is the giving of your quality time and not just financial resources to your children.

9. Encourage children to cook, eat healthy, and take care of their bodies.

10. Teaching age appropriate materials is wise.

Family Goals

For Parents

1. We are encouraging and a good example to our children.

2. We don’t give up and can make it through the tough times.

3. Promote a parenting revival for the future benefit of our community.

For Children

1. Come to parents for advice and to share their questions, concerns, and problems.

2. Follow and listen to trusted and loving parents.

3. Leave the home as contributing members in the community.

4. Independent and have successful family our their own.

5. Are respectful of their parents and grandparents.

This Vision and Mission statement was established on October 24, 2009.

The Battle Inside of Us – “Which Wolf Wins”

Dad's with their children - Bonding in early childhood development

Parents love their children and want the best for them; our children become who we train them to be.  The wise quote below by an unknown Cherokee Indian says many things to parenting of children and the future of our communities.

The Battle Inside of Us – A Quote by Cherokee Indian

One evening an elderly Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between 2 “wolves” inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Cherokee Indian

Source: Unknown