Sibling Bonding, No Rivalry, and the #MommyHelper

Here Come #3 Child
Mom a few week’s before giving birth to Justin. Kimberly 3 years old, Jeffrey 2 years old, and Justin coming soon.

The year was 1983, Amy is at the Hilo Hospital and she just gave birth to Justin, our third child. Kimberly was three years old and Jeffrey two years old, they both were eager to visit mom and their new brother.  Like the saying “you never get a second chance to make a first impression”, before leaving for the hospital I asked the children, “we’re going to visit your brother, the poor guy has no teeth, no toys, and some clothes; do you think you can share and help him?”  Jeffrey and Kimberly quickly noded with a smile and said “yes”, Kimberly handed over a toy and said “he can have this”.  This was one way to plant seeds for a helpful and sharing family.

It’s now 2015, thirty-three (33) years have passed and Kimberly, RN worked at Queen’s Hospital’s Trauma Center of the Pacific, and Queen’s Mililani Emergency, she and her husband Christian just had their second child his name Cody.  Although time has changed the spirit of helping and sharing has carried on.  Now, her daughter Andee who just made three years old, in the name of building and helpful family is being promoted to a new and very important job – Mommy Helper. Congratulations Christian and Kimberly, you’re great parents.

cody and Andee first kiss
Andee gives Cody her first kiss, she’s been waiting for this day for months.

Teach sharing and helping others.  It’s good to facilitate the concept of “ours” verses “all mine”.  “All mine” promotes selfishness, egotism, and a may foster a bully in our mists.  A challenge for an informed parent is knowing the concept of siblings not wanting to share their mommy or daddy when new siblings are born, this can pose a challenge as the earlier born children doesn’t want to loose or share the attention of their parents to the new baby.  A suggestion would be mom or dad asking the children to be a Mommy or Daddy Helper, to help with small chores that give children the  opportunity to be with their parents and be complimented and encouraged.

These chores are performed together with the older child, newborn, and parent. This may take the form of helping change the baby’s clothes, feeding the baby, giving a bath, pushing the stroller, changing the diapers, going shopping, or other family chores together.  When showing the newborn to family and friends, you can keep the older child in the conversation by asking “Andee, uncle Justin wants to know how much did Cody weigh at birth?” Keep giving the children the attention they shared before the the newborn arrived. Keep up the great job you’re doing!

By Carl Okuyama

Andee's smile says it all.  Andee is now a Mommy Helper.  Yay!!!
Andee’s smile says it all. Andee is now a #MommyHelper and #DaddyHelper. Yay!!!
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Love is the Greatest Gift

 

Love is the Greatest Gift

It’s not the presents under the tree nor the shopping at the mall that make the holidays and Christmas joyful, it’s Love and Peace within us we seek.

  • More than the presents under the tree, love is the greatest gift. “For God so loved the world He gave His only begotton son”. John 3:16.

  • You’re happy that your children are healthy, joyful, talented, and smiling . Sometimes they may not be perfect but pure joy shines through it all.

  • The children are sometimes rascal, curious, yet when parents speak they listen and obey.

  • The family comes together to celebrate the holidays and Christmas, each heart yearning to hug one another, or missing each other from afar.

  • It’s a time to forgive and leave the past behind and to not look back.

  • Grandparents, parents, children, in-laws, and family laughing and remembering times they shared, some memories a challenge yet worthy of life’s mysterious journey.

  • Then came uncles, aunties, and loved ones gathering to share the holidays.

  • We love that special spirit that fills the cold winter air with a special warmth and fire.

  • The joy you give when you invite someone who is away from their family and needing of cheer.

  • And, importantly first children loving God, secondly children honoring their parents.

These gift are more than enough.  It reminds me what my wife Amy Lou said,  “Love is like a piggy bank, if you don’t deposit, there is nothing that will come back; unfortunately some children don’t want to come home for Christmas.”  It’s never too late to start seeking the greatest gift, giving more love and your time this Christmas.

Happy Holidays and Very Merry Christmas!