Here’s a subject many parents shy away from due to not being sure how to communicate with their children on this sensitive and important subject. Parents Inc. and our moderators will be sharing with our parenting group ways to communicate to children on this subject. Guest speakes from Parent’s Inc. will include *Regina Puritan, Big Island Director, and *Danielle Stain, Clinical Supervisor.
The important points in this class is sharing material that is age appropriate presented in a nurturing way. The class will share ways to build a bond between child and parent(s) so children will openly seek the parent’s knowledge instead of going to other children or inappropriate media. We hope you will join our fun group. Anyone parenting is invited, especially dads.
Moderators(s): Carl Okuyama and Leonard Mukai, Ph.D.
Date: Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Time: 5:30 pm to 8:30 pm
Cost: Pot Luck Dinner, No Fees
Sitter: Amy Okuyama (librarian) will help sit the children. If you would like to help sit the children, your assistance would be appreciated.
Place: Carl and Amy’s Place, 1346 Kilikina Street, Hilo, located above Hilo Medical Center; take second left street passed Hilo Medical center – Lahi Street; then take first right – Kilikina Street; then drive down the hill .4 mile to 1346 Kilikina; on the left side; two-story grey and white colored house.
Map to Starts at Home – 1346 Kilikina Street, Hilo, Hawaii 96720
Bio on Speakers:
*Regina Purinton, Big Island Program Director Parents Inc. is originally from Oahu. She obtained by Bachelor’s in Social Work and her Master’s in Social Work from the University of Hawaii at Manoa in 1994 when she relocated to Hilo. Her past experience includes: Working for the Department of Human Services as a Social Worker, in Hilo as well as on Oahu. She also worked for DHS in the licensing of Day Care facilities and private homes. She has experience working for the Department of Health in the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Division. She helped open the Hilo office of PARENTS Inc in 1999 and has been the Program Director since.
*Danielle Spain, Clinical Supervisor has lived in Hilo since 1992. She obtained a double Bachelor’s degree in Sociology and Communication from UH Hilo as well as her certification in treating addiction. In 2002 she received her Master’s in Counseling from the University of Phoenix. She has a small private counseling practice working with juvenile sex offenders and she and her husband are foster parents for high risk youth. Her past experience includes: 10 years working in the field of addiction eventually becoming the Director of Operations for the Big Island Substance Abuse Council. She then went and worked for various non-profits here in Hilo gaining experience working with a number of social ills including poverty, domestic violence, sex assault and high risk youth. Most recently she worked for the Department of Human Services Child Welfare as an investigator. In July of 2010 PARENTS Inc was awarded the VCM contract and she came to work for PARENTS Inc.
SETTING BOUNDARIES ON-LINE …
A DOG AND A COOLER, CHILDREN AND THE INTERNET
I am going to begin with a lesson I learned when I was about ten years old, the lesson was revealed by a German Shepherd puppy and a cooler.
It began when my friends family got a small puppy, one that they did not want running throughout the house when they were not there to supervise it. The solution that they came up with was to simply use a large cooler (the type you take to the beach to keep your drinks cold) as a barricade in the hallway thereby keeping him confined to a small area at the back of the house. This made perfect sense, especially since the puppy was still too small to get past the barricade but as the puppy grew we all knew that eventually it would be able to simply jump if not step over the cooler.
Larry Czerwonka, CTO Screenspaces
But amazingly even when the dog was full grown he would not venture past the cooler without permission. He had been taught from a young age that when the cooler was in place it marked the limit to where he could journey and since he had always saw the cooler as a barrier not to be crossed, he never did.
I never forgot this lesson and the power of setting boundaries for the dog right from the start and I see it as very applicable for children too especially those closer to four than they are to eighteen. In fact we might want to stack more than a few coolers in the hallway when it comes to kids access to the Internet
Now before you get the impression that I am against kids having access to the Internet let me talk about my eight year old grandson and his access to technology.
As young as 6 months old he was sitting on my lap as we navigated to kids sites where we watched videos and played games and learned words. We also went into graphics programs where I showed him what to do to create images and by the age of two he could not only create his own images but he could print them out as well. He could also go on-line and go to the kid sites that we had been visiting for almost two years. He did this by going to bookmarks that I had created for him. He did not know that there were such things as search engines (cooler I placed).
Just before he turned three we had set up an old computer just for him to use with all the bookmarks he was used to, we even placed short cuts to his favorite sites onto the desktop (another cooler placed to keep him from going to places he should not go to).
Internet Training for Parents
All this time he still was under the impression that you got to sites by using bookmarks. At around age four his first computer was growing old and slow and I had just purchased a new laptop so we gave him my old laptop and again set bookmarks and links of the desktop and the graphics program that he had used since he was a year old. We also started going to more and more sites and bookmarking them.
It should come as no surprise that by age five he was reading and could get around the computer quite well.
At age six we bought him his very own brand new laptop computer. He also started learning about downloading games at this time but he was not allowed to download any game without asking first (cooler). We also signed him up for Disney’s ToonTown http://toontown.go.com/
He is now eight and actually spends more time on the ipad than on his computer. He searches YouTube all the time to find videos showing him how to do things in his games. The one barrier we set with the videos was if the people talking started using inappropriate words he was to stop the video. Over time he has come to recognize the accounts that have the best information on games and no i inappropriate words so he first clicks on their videos when he is looking for something.
He went through a phase where he liked playing Farmville and a few other games on facebook (thanks to seeing his mom and grandma playing them) so instead of telling him that he could not play them, I set up his computer so it would bring up my facebook account and he could play there (cooler).
His computer rarely is in his room (that’s one reason we got a laptop, so it was not stuck in one location forcing us to be where it was) and we keep the power cord out in the front room. I would say that 90% of the time that he is on-line we can see him. And after years of setting coolers in place we do not worry about him when he is on-line.
I hope the story about the German Shepherd and the cooler and then about my grandson have given you some ideas on setting boundaries early and getting kids on-line even before they can read, since being digitally savvy will give your children or grandchildren a head start on a bright future.
The most important thing for kids growing up today is the love of embracing change. The need to memorize something is a 20th century skill. We can find answers in mere seconds on-line to most any question. The ability to figure out how to trust the information that you find is the new skill that kids will need and if they are competent at doing that then the world is their.
Stop being fearful. This is the digital world our kids live in and we as adults need to accept that.
Now let’s look at some cold hard facts about the Internet and old children and then a list of sites that should be bookmarked for kids to visit.
SOME FACTS WORTH KNOWING
79% of youth unwanted exposure to pornography occurs in the home
Nearly one-third (31percent) of 8 to 18 year-olds have a computer in their bedroom
The predominant sex crime scenario doesn’t involve violence or stranger molesters posing online as children; only 5 percent of offenders concealed the fact they were adults from their victims. Almost 80 percent of offenders were explicit about their intentions with youth. In 73 percent of crimes, youth go to meet the offender on multiple occasions for multiple sexual encounters
Teens are willing to meet with strangers: 16 percent of teens considered meeting someone they’ve only talked to online and 8 percent have actually met someone they only knew online
48 percent of students K-1st grade level interact with people on Web sites, while 50 percent indicate that their parents watch them when they use a computer, leaving the other half of those youngsters more prone to being exposed to predation behaviors or other threats posed by online strangers or even persons they know or regard as friends.
American teens are more wired now than ever before. According to a recent survey, 93 percent of all Americans between 12 and 17 years old use the internet.
20 percent of teens have engaged in cyberbullying behaviors, including posting mean or hurtful information or embarrassing pictures, spreading rumors, publicizing private communications, sending anonymous e-mails or cyberpranking someone.
Frequently children in 4th-6th grade levels engage in social networking activities. In the process they post personal, potentially exploitable, information about themselves online. Specifically,16% posted personal interests online, 15% and 20% gave out their real name. In addition, 5% posted information about their school, 6% posted their home address and 6% posted their phone number.
A majority of teens (58 percent) don’t think posting photos or other personal info on social networking sites is unsafe.
41 percent of teens report their parents talk to them “a lot” about Internet safety and three out of four say their parents have talked to them in the past year about the potential dangers of posting personal info. The level of parental involvement is higher for younger teens and girls.
GREAT SITES FOR KIDS
Molly Moccasins Molly Moccasins is a new kind of story-driven entertainment for children. This first-of-its–kind book series and interactive website are calling all young adventurers to read, play, think, imagine and investigate. It’s for kids of all ages and supports early learning and literacy development. http://www.mollymoccasins.com/
Disney’s ToonTown
A social site that is filled with games for kids to play. http://toontown.go.com/
PBS Kids
Play games, color, read stories, learn about a handful of PBS show’s characters http://pbskids.org/
Bananaboo
There’s lots to do at Bananaboo! 4 to 8 year olds will enjoy Bananaboo’s big selection of puzzles, stories, craft ideas, jokes, coloring pages, cut-outs, cartoons, and more. http://www.bananaboo.com/
Ben & Jerry’s – Fun and Games
Join ice cream makers Ben & Jerry for fun online games, printable activities, desktop wallpaper, and other fun activities. http://www.benjerry.com/fun/
Berenstain Bears Activities
The Berenstain Bears offer a great selection dress-up games, trivia, mazes, interactive stories, coloring book fun and more. http://www.berenstainbears.com/learnfun.html
Blockcorner – A Digital Building Toy
Use a simple programming language to create blocks and move them around. Take a look at the Quickstart Guide and experiment with the commands until you get the hang of it, then create a scene as simple or complex as you like! http://www.blockcorner.com/
ChessKIDS Academy
Designed especially for kids, this excellent guide to the game of chess offers interactive online lessons and quizzes, chess movies, and a challenging online chess game. Created by Richard James, who has been teaching chess to kids for over 30 years. http://www.chesskids.com/newcourse/index.htm
Crayola
Enjoy plenty of pictures to print and color, arts & crafts, stories, send someone an E-card, or take an inside look at the Crayola factory. Includes sections for parent and educators. http://www.crayola.com/
Dr. Seuss’s Seussville
Enter the highly interactive world of Dr. Seuss, for games, books, activities, videos, and much more. Includes a section for educators, with pintables and lesson plans. http://www.seussville.com/
Funology.com
At Funology, science is all about having fun! But that’s not all. Besides fun facts and experiments you can perform, you’ll also find crafts, recipes, magic tricks, jokes, and a whole lot more. http://www.funology.com/
Kids Games
Here’s a great assortment of games you can play at home or school. The entire collection includes instructions for over 100 classic games like Piggie Wants a Signal, Sardines, and Duck Duck Goose. It’s good old-fashioned fun, that never goes out of style. http://www.gameskidsplay.net/
KinderArt
You’ll find lots of great ideas for quality art and craft projects at KinderArt. Be sure to check out the sections for younger children, and seasonal crafts too! http://www.kinderart.com/index.html
Lissa Explains it All – HTML Help for Kids
Want to make a web page but don’t know where to start? Let Lissa help you out! You’ll find everything you need to know from the basics in HTML, to more advanced topics in CSS and Javascript. http://www.lissaexplains.com/
National Geographic Kids
Get ready to have a wild and fun time at National Geographic Kids! This site offers visitors a wide variety of games, activities, articles on animals, pets, countries, and more. http://kids.nationalgeographic.com/kids/
NeoPets
Looking for a pet? NeoPets lets you create one, then make it your own by naming it, deciding if you want it to be a boy or girl, among other options. To get started, read the tutorial to learn how to feed your pet, play games, and more. http://www.neopets.com/
Puzzle Choice
Features fun puzzles and games for kids of all ages. You’ll find printable and online crossword puzzle, word search, and brain teaser games, along with free teacher resources, and much more. http://www.puzzlechoice.com/pc/Kids_Choicex.html
Sticker World
Like stickers? Then head over to Sticker World, where you can display your collection of eStickers on your very own web page. After signing up, you’re given a web page, starter stickers, and sticker points which you can use to get more stickers for your page. From Children’s Television Workshop. http://archive.sesameworkshop.org/stickerworld/
Tiny Planets
Blast off to Tiny Planets and discover what fun you’ll have while playing and learning with Bing and Bong. Preschoolers will enjoy visiting this site, where they’ll find games, puzzles, coloring, educational activities, and much more. http://www.tinyplanets.com/
SOME QUICK SAFETY TIPS FOR PARENTS
Become more computer literate and develop Internet savvy.
Place your computer in an area of your home where you can easily monitor your child’s Internet activity.
Talk with your kids about their online friends and activities.
Do not let your kids in chat rooms.
Monitor the amount of time your child spends on the Internet
Establish online rules and an agreement with your child about Internet use while at home or away from home.
Watch for changes in your child’s behavior (mention of adults you don’t know, secretiveness, inappropriate sexual knowledge, sleeping problems, etc.).
Enough Is Enough, a national non-profit organization whose mission is to make the Internet safer for children and families. For more information, please visitwww.enough.org or www.protectkids.com.
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About the Author: Larry Czerwonka has been helping companies, the government, and individuals find better ways to use the internet since 1995. He was involved in putting the 1st complete Environmental Impact Statement on-line and won several awards for the information exchange he made possible between the government and the public. For the past 10 years he has been involved with creating new and more engaging ways for Fortune 500 companies to interact with their customers. Larry currently lives in Hawaii and works as the CTO for Screenspaces.
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Larry Czerwonka was our guest speaker at our monthly pot-luck parenting dinner and class. Starts at Home parenting dinners are open to the public and everyone is welcome. The gathering starts at 5:30 pm with dinner and program class at 6:00 pm. Information on up-coming pot-luck dinners are posted on the Class menu of this website. We hope to see you soon. Aloha and A Hui Hou.
Learning to be polite “starts when you’re babies” say Terri Freitas (r) next to sister Tracy.
At one of our parenting support dinners, Tani Katada-Freitas was asked to share her parenting skills in raising ten (10) children. We all know that raising children is a challenge, so how does she successfully raised her five biological children, three stepchildren, and two Hanai (children from other immediate family members).
As our evening’s guest speaker, Tani and three of her children arrived early in their modest Toyota station wagon, rang the door bell, where they all greeted us with smiles, the children shy yet so polite. My wife Amy and I welcomed them into our home with hugs and shook their hands. Impressed with the children’s behavior, I asked Tani’s twelve-year-old daughter Terri where they had learned their good manners and she answered “it starts early when we’re babies”. After the other parents and children arrived, we had dinner and fellowship, then started to listen to Tani’s story.
Tani was a teenage mom, having had her first child at the age of seventeen. This child, Krystal, will soon be graduating from the University of Southern Nevada, School of Pharmacy, as a Pharmacist. She is married and starting her own family. Tani shared how she began reading to the children when each was four to five months old, and that she constantly read to them. Reading definitely plays an important role in successfully shaping the lives of Tani’s children just as it does the lives of many other successful citizens of our community. Reading works, it is essential in raising children to become successful adults. Tani said that Krystal was an excellent student; her name was regularly on the principal’s list. Tani herself was frequently invited by the Dept. of Education as a guest speaker at various high schools to encourage teenage parents to continue school so that they could be the best parents they could be for their children.
Each of Tani’s children had chores, beginning at the tender age of two. An important household rule was: No Chores, No Dessert, simple rule. If the children didn’t finish their dinner it was put into the refrigerator and served for breakfast. And if they didn’t want to finish dinner, they had to go straight to bed. If the children were hungry later in the evening, Tani said “sorry dinner time is over, you’ll have to wait till breakfast”. Every child helped with cleaning the dishes and kitchen after every meal, and there were lots of other chores for them to do around the house.
The importance of children and chores is also described in a phrase I like, by Pastor Greg Laurie who says, “obedience starts in the high chair not the electric chair”. Powerful words that are so true. Chores, obedience, and being a good follower starts at home with wise parents. Parents may at times give into children’s tantrums, especially when out in public. Children throw public tantrums because it often succeeds by embarrassing or wearing down the parent into submitting to the child’s will. As parents, we must be patient and wiser for our children, and train them early and consistently in a kind yet firm, loving, and nurturing manner. It is vital that we begin this type of parenting very early in the child’s life, for the longer we wait, the more difficult the child’s negative habits and behavior become to correct.
Tani continued sharing her story. She described her use of office folders for what she called the “Folder of Shame”, one of her effective discipline systems. It worked this way: if a child did something wrong, that child had to write a sentence 100 times, for example, “I will not hit my brother or sister and keep my hands to myself”. Writing this was an effective form of time out, and no child wanted a fat or thick folder. Spanking without anger was occasionally used as a last resort. Another house rule was “If you can’t do the time, then don’t do the crime”. House rules were very important and consistently enforced. Tani added “being a parent is like being the head of a company. “You must treat everyone with mutual respect and with that respect they will want to ‘pitch in’ to help”.
Similarly, rewards were regularly “earned”; these included keeping one’s room clean, getting good grades, and finishing chores. Tani’s children learned that earning rewards meant earning time to play the XBox, going to a friend’s home, and other fun things that each individual child enjoyed. On a different occasion I met Tati, one of Tani’s older daughter who remembers earning rewards like candy and being taken our to eat, as well as sitting at the table and writing to put into the Folder of Shame. Tati said “I owe this lady so much”.
Katada-Freitas Family
Tani remembers the early tough years of being in an abusive marriage, and once lived for two weeks in her car. To help her cope, she spent time in church at New Hope Christian Fellowship where she helped Pastor Wayne Cordeiro. Today those tough years are a memory as she and her family continue to move forward to overcome these challenges. As with many families, finances are a constant challenge; Tani and her boyfriend maintain their multiple jobs and raise pedigree Pit Bulls which they sell. Any major purchases as well as any family concerns are discussed by the family as a team. Tani is pleased that she did not accept any financial assistance and instead they worked hard to earn money to provide for their family; I could see she feel felt good about this and setting a good work ethic for her children.
At the end of the evening, we wanted to help Tani with a monetary gift but she graciously refused to accept anything. Her can-do attitude is truly inspirational. She is a person of strong integrity who does not seek handouts, rather, she is a giver and a conqueror; we appreciated her time of sharing. She is a living testimony that parenting not only starts at home, but it starts when we train a child early in the way they should go, and they obey parents who are loving and nuturing. One has only to look at Tani and her children to know that they are her treasures and that it isn’t the material things that are important to a child’s success in life. In closing she says “I did not start out knowing everything about parenting, with my older children I’ve made a lot of mistakes but with those mistakes I have learned and hope that I am a better parent”
One of the principles of Starts at Home seeks is to encourage men to love their wives and together raise their children, unfortunately sometimes in abusive and adulterous relationships a separation or divorce is considered by the couple. It’s highly recommended that a third-party such as a pastor or a marriage counselor intercede to assist during these difficult times. Spouse and child abuse is a very serious matter and may be or become a generational problem, sometimes divorce may be a wisecourse of action to prevent the spread of an angry and tormenting spirit. In such cases, the angry person may need a healing process to become a loving parent. To help settle differences seeking wise counsel is imperative; in our marriage of over thirty-five years, Amy and I sought the counsel of our pastors four times; they helped us through our difficult challenges.
Tani, thank you for sharing your encouraging stories, parental wisdom and insight as you continue to love your children.
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Starts at Home potluck luck dinners are held on the second Tuesday of month; information on these parent’s meet ups are posted in this blog under the Classes Menu. These dinners are open to the public. Because our parents and children have busy schedules, dinner starts early at 5:30 pm and done by 8:00 pm. Parents are married, single, and blended families; all are welcomed. For more information call (808) 937-4392. Aloha!
Tani Katada Freitas with her Family - Ten (10) Children - Awesome Team
Tani Katada-Freitas has ten (10) children, five (5) biological children, three (3) “hanai” raising other family children, and two (2) adopted. Her oldest biological child is now in pharmacy school. Tani was a teenage mom. Tani will share how she’s doing it.
You’re invited to a monthly pot luck dinner. The purpose of these dinners are to encourage parents to interact and pick up positive parenting ideas to help love and nurture children. The group has moderators to take questions and get practical answers. Children are not born with instruction so the group provides the support and place to ask questions. Pot luck dinners are held every second Tuesday of the month, same place, same time.
By making time to attend this worthwhile event, you’ll save time avoiding and overcoming future problems. Highly recommended for parents with children under seven years of age, children and anyone interested in parenting are welcomed to attend.
October’s Topic: The Family Team – Loving, Fun, and disciplined
Moderators: Tani Katada-Freitas and Carl Okuyama
Date: Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Time: 5:30 pm to 8:300 pm
Cost: Pot Luck Dinner, No Fees
Sitter: Amy will help the children. If would like to help sit, your assistance would be much appreciated.
Place: Carl and Amy’s Place, 1346 Kilikina Street, Hilo, located above Hilo Medical Center (take second left street passed Hilo Medical center – Lahi Street; then take first right – Kilikina Street; then to 1346 Kilikina; left side); two-story grey colored house.
Starts at Home 