Terry’s Eulogy – The Submissive Wife -“10 Who Made a Difference” Honolulu Star Bulletin 2009

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Eulogy and Celebration of Terry Makino-Kaide’s Life

April 21, 1922 to March 30, 2012

Shared by Annette Clay, Charlotte Kaide, Gale Sakaguchi
Written and Presented by Carl Okuyama

This Eulogy represents the warm feelings that were spoken by Mrs. Kaide’s children, cousins, and aunties, who have a great story to share. They said mom touched the hearts of many because of her love, compassion, genuine kindness, and her thoughtfulness toward others, these were her special qualities. She always had great words of wisdom and was the rock and the glue in their family. The family would like to share and celebrate their mother’s life. This is a story of a submissive, nurturing wife, and mother.

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Terry was born on April 21, 1922 in Maui to Shizuyo Abe and Masato Makino. She was the eldest of nine (9) children.

Terry Abe-Kaide, Hilo, Hawaii

Terry’s mother Shizuyo had a cleaning shop in Hilo and requested that Terry, at age 15 help her in the business and also to provide for her siblings. Terry made this sacrifice.

She attended Hilo Intermediate School, through the 9th grade. In order to honor her mom’s request, Terry was unable to attend high school; this did not stifle Terry’s desire and tenacity to further her education. Terry accepted the challenge to seek further education. On Sundays Terry would go to Mrs. Conquest’s home on Reed’s Island to study typing and shorthand.

It was after her brothers and sister were grown that Terry left for Honolulu to study at the Galusha Business School; earning a degree as a legal secretary. After graduation Terry, began working for Attorney Harlocker in Honolulu who encouraged her to take the civil service test. This led to Mrs. Kaide becoming a court room stenographer.

Sidney and Terry Kaide, married October 13, 1945, the beginning of a 64 year marriage.

The Abe’s were friends with the Kaides and this helped lead to the courtship of Terry and Sidney. Sidney was serving his county in the United States’ Army. They were married on October 13, 1945. They had three children, Annette, Charlotte, and Gale.

Besides her full time job at the court, Kaide was the chief administrator for her husband’s business, Sidney Kaide Contractor and Real Estate Developer Enterprise. It was Terry’s second full time job. She was a submissive and loving woman behind a great man who loved his wife. She was her husband’s voice coach and his biggest cheerleader in all his undertakings. Terry also enjoyed line dancing, and was a great singer but modest and humble.

At the same time she cared for her mother-in-law who lived with them and was in a wheelchair due to a stroke. The stamina needed to withstand such huge responsibilities is displayed by Terry’s fruit filled character and witnessed by, patience, determination, tenacity, courage, and long suffering.

Terry was gifted with quite an artistic talent and found time to do Japanese Sumie painting and was a member of the Sumie Society of Hawaii, Director of the Hilo
Chapter, she exhibited her exquisite paintings at the Japanese Brush Painting annual exhibitions in Honolulu Hale City Hall. She also enjoyed taking Ikebana classes,
Japanese flower arrangements. She received her instructor’s degree in teaching Ikebana.

For relaxation time gardening at her Hilo home was her passion, the Kaide’s were awarded a Certificate from the Better Homes and Gardens Magazine for their beautiful garden. Terry was blessed with a green thumb. People would stop to admire her lovely well-manicured garden that was her pride and joy. Another form of relaxation was travel; together Terry and Sidney pretty much sailed around the world by cruise ship.

She also was a good cook, who regularly cooked her favorite dishes for her friends and family. The family loved her Nishime and Shrimp Spaghetti. She would enjoy taking food to Ebesus’ a local FTD Florist, the ladies there were her close friends, among them Aunty Ann Kaya.

Mrs. Kaide culminated her civil service career in the court system as Chief Clerk of the Third Circuit Court in Hilo, which now is filled by attorney Lester Oshiro. She worked for the State Judicial system for 30 years.

The Kaides. L to R: Annette Clay, Sidney Kaide, Charlotte Kaide, Gaye Sakaguchi, Terry Kaide; celebrating the signing of SB190 into law, April 21, 2012, known as the “Love Bill”.

Most recently she was instrumental in passing Hawaii’s Senate Bill 190 into law and was recognized by the Honolulu newspaper Star Bulletin as “10 who made a difference in 2009”.

Terry’s life and marriage of sixty-four (64) years is a role model for our community. Today the sense of family and Ohana is greatly needed in today’s society. A family loves, nurtures, and helps to build a community and nation.

In closing, to find happiness Walt Disney said, ”A man should never neglect his family for business.” Oil Tycoon J. Paul Getty said “I hate to be a failure. I hate and regret the failure of my marriages. I would gladly give all my millions for just one lasting marital success.”

Beloved Terry, thank you for your legacy, thank you for your love.

On behalf of the Kaide Ohana, they would like to say to everyone, Mahalo Nui Loa for all your prayers… Aloha Ke Akua. We love you. Ua Mau Kea Ea O Ka Aina I Ka Pono, O Iesu Cristo!

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It was a privilege to meet and become friends of Mr. & Mrs. Sidney Kaide. Their daughter Charlotte is a Christian missionary, she was one of the original individuals in a group that helped spawn Starts at Home.  I witness a miracle of healing after Mr. Kaide repented and accepted Jesus as his savior, this was during a time when Sidney who was normally 175 pound weighed less than 100 pounds, cancer stricken, his skin was an ugly green in color, he could hardly breathe; we were alone at Hilo Hospital’s Extended Care building; I was stunned and a bit afraid as Mr. Kaide repented.

The following year joyfully and with good heath Sidney sang his favorite karaoke songs at his 84th birthday. In later years, Terry also accepted Jesus Christ.  Pastor George Karves shared the Celebration of Life at both Terry’s and Sidney’s life and I was privileged to present both their eulogies.  Thank you to key Hawaii legislators who helped with the passage of SB190, Senator Dwight Takamine, Representatives John Mizuno and Clifton Tsuji.  Also, to Helen Sumoba-Saplan’s care home for seniors that provided a nurturing place for the Kaide’s.  And most importantly to God we give all the Glory … our heavenly father!

Understand Yourself and Others? – Leonard Mukai, PhD.

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Come to the next FREE session on Human Needs Psychology. You will each do a simple self-assessment to determine your 6 human needs. This will be fun and help you understand yourself and others.

Aloha, Leonard (808) 935-7050

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Recommendation: Leonard Mukai, PhD. and Cecelia Mukai, PhD. are affiliates of Starts at Home and have moderated numerous parenting potluck dinners. Leonard is a certified Life Coach. The above program is excellent and you’ll enjoy yourself; it can help foster joy and peace into any relationship. The classes are fun and entertaining. If you have a challenged relationship or just want to strengthen a relationship, Starts at Home recommends calling Leonard, he certainly can help.

El Sistema – Start to Train a Child in Music 2-3 Years of Age

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Elsistemausa - Venezuela - Dr. Abrue begins teaching children at the age of 2-3 years old. The concept of teaching a child early is life works.
Elsistemausa - Venezuela - This program begins teaching children at the age of 2-3 years old and demonstrates that teaching a child early in life is rewarding.

El Sistema: a visionary global movement that transforms the lives of children through music is a new model for social change that is helping many communities.

Thirty five years ago, Dr. José Antonio Abreu gathered 11 children to play music. El Sistema was born. The program now teaches music to 300,000 of Venezuela’s poorest children, demonstrating the power of ensemble music to dramatically change the life of hundreds of thousands of a nation’s youth while transforming the communities around them.

Children begin attending their local El Sistema center, called a “nucleo,” as early as age 2 or 3, with the vast majority continuing well into their teens.

El Sistema – Teaching a Child Early In Life – How to play music.  Enjoy watching Dustavo Dudamel, Conductor, Los Angels Philharmonic Orchestra.

Teaching music, reading, writing, math, and other talents, Starts at Home with a nurturing parent early in a child’s life.  Enjoy your children, teach and encourage them when they are young, to reach their full potential, and their gifting.

Precious Time with Dad – Happiness Starts at Home with a #Gooddad

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Precious time with Dad

To find happiness Walt Disney said,  “A man should never neglect his family for business.”  Oil Tycoon J. Paul Getty said “I hate to be a failure. I hate and regret the failure of my marriages. I would gladly give all my millions for just one lasting marital success.”  And, U.S. President Bill Clinton said “The single biggest social problem in our society may be the growing absence of fathers from their homes and children.”

In an article found in the website of  the U.S. Department of  Health and Human Services, Office of Population Affairs, we are reminded and too familiar with the statistics of being raised in a fatherless homes; at JSI Research and Training Institute’s conference,  moderated by, Gilbert Chavez, 06-10-09, he reminds us that fatherless homes are:

  • 5 times more likely to commit crimes,
  • 9 times more likely to drop out of school
  • 20 times more likely to end up in prison
  • Forty percent of all children born in America today will be born to unmarried parents.

This article focuses on how we as fathers can be a #Gooddad to strengthen our relationship with our children and spouse.

First and importantly a family starts at home with a good husband or father who loves God and sacrifices time and resources for their spouse and children.  This is a cornerstone and foundation of a good family. It’s not about how much money we make or how active and recognized we are in the community, instead it’s about the quality time spent with our children and how we lovingly encourage, teach, discipline, and empower our children.

Here are some Ideas for Husbands, #Gooddads, and Parents.

  1. Come to agreement that you place your wife/spouse and children as the most important part in your life.  The material things in life – although very important – will be taken care of even when we often just don’t see how it will all work out.  Dining out, a new television, computer, car, a second car, another promotion at work, a boat, social clubs, an airplane, etc…  are not as important as a healthy close knit family and it’s not the “bling” at the end that makes you sing.
  2. We make sacrifices for our spouses and children, we give up on “my turn”  for them, “my turn” will eventually come up again. Remember what J.P. Getty mentioned? … he regretted ALL his failed marriages and would give up ALL his money for one successful marriage, all his riches did not bring him peace and happiness, he could not buy what he cherished.  Work six days a week and try not to work seven days, instead, have a guiltless day off… one day off will rejuvenate yourself and others around you.
  3. We will not judge our spouse and will accept them as they are, differences and all. Not accepting their differences and arguing with them while having or hiding your own faults may lead to the break up a marriage and family.
  4. Hug your spouse and children daily, they love and need to hear .. “I Love You”; you may share a small gift, or leave a small note. Those three simple words are magic when they come from your heart. Your agape love heals, rejuvenates, builds a family, and strengthens humanity.
  5. Dads, when children come into your life, make changes in your routine to be with them, and to help your wife raise them. You can include the children in your events, so that they don’t feel rejected.  It’s important that you help with the feeding late of nights, change the diapers, take the children to the doctor, read to the children, play with them, discipline and don’t enable them and spoil them, take them to the sports or hobbies they enjoy, go to the parent student conferences, attend their practices, go camping, travel together, and those fun things in life.  The children want and need you in their lives and they will follow you, or they may run away from the home.
  6. Help around the house with chores, especially when both parents work.  Teach the children to have their share of the chores; surprisingly the work gets done and there’s more time for other activities.
  7. Teaching takes time and patience, and when the children learn they become productive members of the family and the home runs more smoothly. Teach them chores, show them good values, help with their school’s homework.  It was gratifying to see in Honolulu Magazine’s May 2010, Mililani School had the highest ranking of over 250 schools in Hawaii, and not surprisingly parent participation they ranked the best in Hawaii and the school did extremely well national quantifiable test scores; this was contrary to the school with the lowest parenting rating and was ranked the worst of the schools  in Hawaii.
  8. Know that each of your children are different, encourage them in their own interests and watch them grow, help them find their way in life and let them live their lives, as parents we are there to encourage them and pick them up when they fall. They will find their way when we let them fall, cry; then hug them, and say,”It will be fine and you’ll get that right on your next try”.
  9. Along life’s path, suffering will occur, you’re not alone, when our children see us suffering, they learn to get through the suffering too, we teach other not to give up.
  10. Take the children out for treat for a job well done, we like rewards that we earn.

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Starts at Home was started at pot dinners at Carl and Amy’s home on the second Tuesday of the month, they featured a speaker and gave parents a chance to ask questions.  The gathering starts at 5:30 pm and ends before 8:00 pm. If you’re in Hilo, Hawaii, you were welcome to come.