Category Archives: Fathers

The Spirit of Father’s Day – Honoring Our Dads

Happy Father’s Day dad, although you’re not here, I just wanted to say thanks to all the lessons in life you taught and opportunities you put in front of me. The great mystery in life is how they all seem to connect for the good, where the dotted lines are connected by God and faith. On Father’s Day we honor you.

Tomoo "Tom" Okuyama
Happy Father Day Dad.
Tomoo “Tom” Okuyama
Dad, my cheering section, and coach.

Here’s a poem “My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and me watch him do it” by Clarence B. Kelland;  it’s definitely a good example for fathers to follow.

Many times children are raised up by a father who is not their biological father, today we honor these fathers too.  And finally and most importantly,  there’s our heavenly Father, a Father who is perfect, a Father we can worship as compared to our earthly father who we honor.

With His Love, Happy Father’s Day!

Written by Carl Todaha-Okuyama



It’s all about family helping nurture and loving the children, creating the bond,  the trust bridge that builds future lasting relationships. Thank you dads, brothers, uncles, and friends for the time together!

Precious Time with Dad – Happiness Starts at Home with a #Gooddad

Precious time with Dad

To find happiness Walt Disney said,  “A man should never neglect his family for business.”  Oil Tycoon J. Paul Getty said “I hate to be a failure. I hate and regret the failure of my marriages. I would gladly give all my millions for just one lasting marital success.”  And, U.S. President Bill Clinton said “The single biggest social problem in our society may be the growing absence of fathers from their homes and children.”

In an article found in the website of  the U.S. Department of  Health and Human Services, Office of Population Affairs, we are reminded and too familiar with the statistics of being raised in a fatherless homes; at JSI Research and Training Institute’s conference,  moderated by, Gilbert Chavez, 06-10-09, he reminds us that fatherless homes are:

  • 5 times more likely to commit crimes,
  • 9 times more likely to drop out of school
  • 20 times more likely to end up in prison
  • Forty percent of all children born in America today will be born to unmarried parents.

This article focuses on how we as fathers can be a #Gooddad to strengthen our relationship with our children and spouse.

First and importantly a family starts at home with a good husband or father who loves God and sacrifices time and resources for their spouse and children.  This is a cornerstone and foundation of a good family. It’s not about how much money we make or how active and recognized we are in the community, instead it’s about the quality time spent with our children and how we lovingly encourage, teach, discipline, and empower our children.

Here are some Ideas for Husbands, #Gooddads, and Parents.

  1. Come to agreement that you place your wife/spouse and children as the most important part in your life.  The material things in life – although very important – will be taken care of even when we often just don’t see how it will all work out.  Dining out, a new television, computer, car, a second car, another promotion at work, a boat, social clubs, an airplane, etc…  are not as important as a healthy close knit family and it’s not the “bling” at the end that makes you sing.
  2. We make sacrifices for our spouses and children, we give up on “my turn”  for them, “my turn” will eventually come up again. Remember what J.P. Getty mentioned? … he regretted ALL his failed marriages and would give up ALL his money for one successful marriage, all his riches did not bring him peace and happiness, he could not buy what he cherished.  Work six days a week and try not to work seven days, instead, have a guiltless day off… one day off will rejuvenate yourself and others around you.
  3. We will not judge our spouse and will accept them as they are, differences and all. Not accepting their differences and arguing with them while having or hiding your own faults may lead to the break up a marriage and family.
  4. Hug your spouse and children daily, they love and need to hear .. “I Love You”; you may share a small gift, or leave a small note. Those three simple words are magic when they come from your heart. Your agape love heals, rejuvenates, builds a family, and strengthens humanity.
  5. Dads, when children come into your life, make changes in your routine to be with them, and to help your wife raise them. You can include the children in your events, so that they don’t feel rejected.  It’s important that you help with the feeding late of nights, change the diapers, take the children to the doctor, read to the children, play with them, discipline and don’t enable them and spoil them, take them to the sports or hobbies they enjoy, go to the parent student conferences, attend their practices, go camping, travel together, and those fun things in life.  The children want and need you in their lives and they will follow you, or they may run away from the home.
  6. Help around the house with chores, especially when both parents work.  Teach the children to have their share of the chores; surprisingly the work gets done and there’s more time for other activities.
  7. Teaching takes time and patience, and when the children learn they become productive members of the family and the home runs more smoothly. Teach them chores, show them good values, help with their school’s homework.  It was gratifying to see in Honolulu Magazine’s May 2010, Mililani School had the highest ranking of over 250 schools in Hawaii, and not surprisingly parent participation they ranked the best in Hawaii and the school did extremely well national quantifiable test scores; this was contrary to the school with the lowest parenting rating and was ranked the worst of the schools  in Hawaii.
  8. Know that each of your children are different, encourage them in their own interests and watch them grow, help them find their way in life and let them live their lives, as parents we are there to encourage them and pick them up when they fall. They will find their way when we let them fall, cry; then hug them, and say,”It will be fine and you’ll get that right on your next try”.
  9. Along life’s path, suffering will occur, you’re not alone, when our children see us suffering, they learn to get through the suffering too, we teach other not to give up.
  10. Take the children out for treat for a job well done, we like rewards that we earn.


Starts at Home was started at pot dinners at Carl and Amy’s home on the second Tuesday of the month, they featured a speaker and gave parents a chance to ask questions.  The gathering starts at 5:30 pm and ends before 8:00 pm. If you’re in Hilo, Hawaii, you were welcome to come.

Happy Father’s Day

The best Father’s Day present is having wonderful kids! 

Here’s a shout and pat on the back to all the fathers out there.

Thanks the lessons in life you shared, your coaching, and for the many experiences you gave us as a child; many times just by watching you. Now, I understand why we had to obey you when we didn’t want to listens, instead wanted to go the other way.  Thank you for being stronger than our disobedience.  When we children we spoke like a child, now with children of our own I understand how your love would serve us well through life’s journey.

Dad, God knows we are not perfect and we had bumps along life roads, that’s not a problem and I forgave you for those like our heavenly father has forgiven us. Those bumps were speed bumps that help us learn through refreshing humility, they made us stronger and all the more wise.

Dad, thanks for all of  life’s good times and sufferings, all these come with a good purpose and a learning experience.

Happy Father’s Day

by Carl Okuyama

Husbands Love Your Wife, Wives Submit, Children Obey

WHATTT!!!  You’re kidding, you want me to submit to my husband, no way! Does this sound crazy, an impossibility in today’s society? No, this statement is the foundation to a successful marriage where children obey, listen, and learn, and creates a loving and stable family that can weather the storms of life.

Alternate text
Encouraging Parents and Loving Children

Personally, I found this truth later in my marriage and now my marriage and relationship with my wife Amy and children has improved and continues to get better.  As fathers we must love our wives, this is the cornerstone principal and secret of successful families.  As fathers we take the lead, make sacrifices, protect, and accept our wives for who they are.  We think we can change them, demand results, and require sexual exchange .. all wrong!  It starts at home with fathers loving their wives.  Without love, no way will a wife submit, nor children obey.

Husbands, let’s agree what love is: it’s spiritual, and inspirational. Love is what successful families are made of  and the main ingredient in block buster big hit movies. Love is patient, kind, not envy, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrong doing, forgives, does not delight in evil, rejoices with the truth, always protects, trusts, hopes, preserves. Love never fails. Love is God’s greatest gift to you to pass to your wife and children, we pass it forward.

When I started practicing this concept my relationship with my wife changed. She was no longer a property or trophy, she became my best friend, partner, and wife.  At the same time I started to use this concept with our cat Tigger and I saw changes in Tigger’s behavior.  At that point, I realized that it was not Tigger or Amy that changed, it was me. The concept is simple, we can’t throw stones at our wives and expect them to follow; instead don’t be surprised if they run away.

On children, when children see and observe their parent’s loving relationship, they have an easier time obeying.  Children are naive and don’t have a clue what is right or wrong, they’re all eyes, ears, and emotions. Children are like absorbent sponges, automatically soaking in material where they are placed. Children are required to obey their parents as they have no knowledge or wisdom, and parents teach them for their own good.

This period of children’s obedience begins early in life, if we don’t start early in life we miss the opportunity to plant good seeds into their existence.  This is a time in life when the soil for planting is deep and rich.  As loving, nurturing, and lovingly strict parents, we need to do this before the age of seven (7); contrary if we don’t teach them the world through media and other poor examples will teach them. Then the older they get the more rebellious they become.  It’s difficult to plant seeds when children are teenagers.  According to many social studies marriage dissatisfaction is the lowest when children become teenagers ….research graphs show it’s the pits!  From ancient biblical writings to modern educational methods, time reveals to teach a child early in life and as they become older they will not depart from what we teach them.

Husbands and dads, it starts at home with an inspirational spirit encouraging  us to love our wives, wives willingly submitting, and children following.  Try it in good faith …. it works!   God bless you and your family.

By Carl Okuyama