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Happy Girl’s Day

Happy Girl's Day

Photo by Dreamstime

March 3rd is Girl’s Day a great day to spend time with the little angels in our lives. A trip to the beach, a special dessert, or a gift, and the most important gift.. a gift of time and your love.

Have fun and enjoy your children, they grow up so fast.

I'm not doing that!

I’m not doing that!

Training children is about age appropriate education.  Parents do not intentionally spoil or overindulge their children, however children who are overindulged may become spoiled by  caring and unknowing parents. This message is not directed to toddlers under the age of three who are  learning about boundaries set by caring parents; if you experience tantrums by a toddler this is a normal behavioral transition from infant to toddler.  The future favors prepared parents and children,  in this light we share with you important lessons on chores, work ethics, and overindulged children.

Have you heard the saying “the kid is going to be a spoiled brat”? The daughter of singer, Elvis Presley, Lisa Marie Presley says, “I was quite the spoiled brat. I have quite a temper, obviously inherited from my father, and I became very good at ordering everyone around. I was the princess; the staff were absolutely terrified of me.

Also, you may have seen a  young boy having a tantrum, screaming, crying in the department store as a means to get something, with everyone watching, the parent “gives in” and the child gets want he wants; who’s training who?

Contrarily, “daddy made sure to instill in us a work ethic” – Kathie Lee Gifford, Hostess, NBC’s Today’s Show.

Amy Nishi-Kessinger

Having chores helped Amy become a productive person throughout her life.

Chores do work for the benefit of children.  My wife Amy Lou Kessinger’s early years were with an abusive alcoholic father, and her parents subsequently divorced.  Fortunately her mom was loving, nurturing, and strict, and didn’t enable or spoil her daughter.  Amy’s mom was ill for many years, so while they lived with Amy’s grandmother,  Amy became a young care giver to her mom to help in the household and with her two younger sisters.  Life was good and there were many necessary chores.  The four of them (Emiko, Karen, Sharon, and Amy) lived in a small bedroom at their uncle George Nishi’s home. They received financial help from the welfare system.  Another person who influenced Amy’s life was Pastor Davis from Kinoole Baptist Church in Hilo, who picked her up and took her to church every Sunday for three to four years.

Thank God, due to her mother’s insistence, Amy studied hard and was a good student who received work-study grants to complete her undergraduate and graduate degrees. Whether a child earns a degree or not, the important point is having a good work ethic will lead to a successful path and life.

One funny example of Amy’s mother’s traditional values, is her grounding us one month before our wedding, because we came home after Amy’s curfew.  We couldn’t date, while Amy stayed home to complete sewing her four bridesmaid’s dresses and tend to other wedding details.  We have been married over thirty-nine years, thank you Mrs. Kessinger.  While Amy’s upbringing is from two generations ago, it still holds true today: productive, responsible adults had parents who instilled in them good work ethics by giving them chores to do and rules to follow.

Tani Katada-Freitas a friend and contributing writer of Starts at Home shares how she had a part in teaching her ten children about chores, beginning after the age of two (2).  An important household rule was:  “No Chores, No Dessert” a simple rule.  If the children didn’t finish their dinner it was bed time, and the uneaten dinner was put into the refrigerator to be served for breakfast.  If the children were hungry later in the evening, Tani was sympathetic, but explained, “Sorry, but dinner time is over, you’ll have to wait till breakfast”.  Each child helped with cleaning the dishes and kitchen after every meal, and there were lots of other chores for them to do around the house.

Here are some suggested chores for toddlers to help them develop good work ethics

  • Putting away their toys after play time.
  • Helping parents with their chores around the home.
  • Helping clean up the dishes and kitchen after meals with their leading parents.
  • Helping set the dinner table, dishes or cups or both, keeping it simple.
  • Making the bed in the morning.
  • Feeding the pets and reminding their parents if more pet food is needed.
  • Brushing their teeth in the morning and evenings before bed.
  • Helping the teacher in school, church, or other organization.
  • Helping clean the house windows, sweeping and vacuuming the floors.
  • Helping their parents on their weekly chores.
  • Having homework time and checking their work for correctness.

Encouraging Actions and Words to Enforce their Chores.

  • Wow Johnny your bed looks well made, great job!
  • Remembering to compliment for doing something well.
  • Chore charting with rewards chart stickers.
  • Have a big prize after achieving a longer term goal

Many Times Parents Don’t Realized these Actions Contribute to a Spoiled and Narcissistic Child who is Self Centered.

  • Never saying “no” to the a child and let them have whatever they want, because “it’s easier”.
  • Make them feel they’re always the center of attention and center of the universe.
  • Not asking them to share with other children.
  • Never receives spanking, timeouts, and other forms of discipline.
  • Allowing the child to boss, hit or bully other children and adults.
  • Allowed to them watch TV while others are required to clean up and do chores.
  • Pampering a child to be always so cute and pretty and not teaching chores, social skills, and following up with school homework.

Life will be good for children when they are raised and trained using chores, encouragement, and obedience.  Amy and I recommend parents find a church with a Sunday preschool program as a church will help instill good spiritual and moral values as well as educational fundamentals in children.  From this will come good relationships at home, with friends, and the community as good work ethic in the marketplace. Have fun and enjoy the children, it starts at home.

On the Web:  Narcissism – Psychology Today

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Related Articles:

Joy of Being Just Married – Mr. & Mrs. Brandon Bartolome

Carl Okuyama:

Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Brandon and Pomai Bartolome, blessing on your wedding and new family. Starts at Home is happy to share the good news and the joy of this special occasion. The newly weds were married at Makena Beach in Wailea, Maui, Hawaii.  Praise God from friends at Starts at Home.

Originally posted on Starts at Home:

Update 2.18.2014

Mr. and Mrs. Brandon and Pomai Bartolome.  Married on February 15 , 2014.

Congratulations! Marriage is one of most wonderful events in our lives, the bonding of two individuals to love and cherish one another,  to accept each other unconditionally, nurturing and sacrificing  for each other, and to share the work and joy of raising a family.

Life’s road has its mountain top highs and challenges in the valley, marriage is about sharing the those high places and getting through those challenges to gain wisdom and spiritual strength.  Each person and couple are different and have special gifts in their own way. These couples are so beautifully happy together.

We wish you long life, good health, joyful children, and much peace. Yee Ha!; way to go! “Love is patient, kind, not envy, not boast, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrong doing, forgives, not delight in evil, rejoices with…

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ArcadeTo teach a child about a budget, when going to an event give your child a “budget”.  Let them know it’s their budget and when it’s all gone they is no more money.  As parents, Amy and I used this lesson when taking the children to the Fun Factory arcade.  Our children or course spent their budgets quickly the first few times they went to the arcade. When they asked for more money, our answer at that point was “Our Budget is All Gone”.  By keeping this consistent answer the concept of budgeting was learned quickly.  And, yes they may have a tantrum to assert themselves, it’s important to stand wisely and with kindness say, “sorry, our budget is gone”.

Budgeting and savings are important concepts for children to learn.  Contrary the fool spent in all.  Have fun teaching the children, you’ll be glad you did.

The Planting Twos learning and remembering at genius speed

Photo by Kimberly Okuyama

Last month on their way to the airport, Amy said to our granddaughter Andee, “Grandma is going home to the Big Island”.  A few times since then, Andee has mentioned to her mother Kimberly, “gamma big island”.  Much to both Amy and Kimberly’s surprise,  Andee started using the words “Big Island” after hearing them only once.  Amy knows she had said “Big Island” to Andee only once during her stay in Honolulu;  Kimberly had never mentioned it at all.  Wow, kids at the age of two learn at tremendous speeds, a time period in early childhood I refer to as the “Planting Twos”.  What we say, do, and teach during this period will greatly impact their personalities, intelligence, and social life.

The “Planting Twos” is a wonderful time before preschool to teach about religion, social morals, health and wellness, reading, music, science, mathematics, sports, obedience, kindness, sharing, caring for others, chores and rewards, in a loving environment.

These wonderful years are academically described by Barbara Rogoff, in her book The Apprenticeship of Thinking: Cognitive Development in Social Context.  The book is about guided participation by children and their companions. Barbara Rogoff is UC Santa Cruz Foundation Distinguished Professor of Psychology. Barbara Rogoff has held the University of California Presidential Chair and has been a Fellow of the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences, a Kellogg Fellow, a Spencer Fellow, and an Osher Fellow of the Exploratorium.

By Carl Okuyama

Leonard Mukai, noparentingproblems.com
Leonard Mukai, sharing “Creating The Life You Deserve”

Join us for a rewarding evening viewing an intervention by master coach Tony Robbins and then applying simple principles to create a better life. You will learn

1.       A secret ingredient you MUST have for a successful life.

2.      How to get that secret ingredient.

3.      How to relieve stress.

4.      How to stop depression and control anger.

When:  Saturday September 21, 2013 6:00 – 8:00 pm

Where:  YMCA (300 W Lanikaula St, Hilo, HI, 96720)

Presented by Leonard Mukai, PhD, CPC, Strategic Interventionist, Marriage Educator, Parent Project Facilitator.

Call (808) 896-4384.

Event is free.

Child care is not available.

Create the life and relationships you deserve!

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Leonard Mukai is a Parent Project Facilitator and is one of original supporters of Starts at Home.  His knowledge and wisdom is enjoyable, fun, and worth sharing.  Enjoy an evening with Leonard and friends.

Thank You grandpa and grandma for your helping in raising our family.

Thank You grandpa and grandma for your helping in raising our family.

September 8th is National Grandparent’s Day. Happy Grandparent’s Day to all the grandparents, have and wonderful day and give your grandchildren a big hug!  If that’s not possible call them over the phone and give them phone hugs or hopefully they’ll call you.   Here’s a nice story.

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Grandma May shared a wonderful moment with her granddaughter April, a toddler who recently became three years old.  One morning just before 7:30 am, April called grandma’s cell phone. Grandma recognized her son’s phone via Caller ID, answered it and heard the voice of her granddaughter April, who asked “where are you?”  Grandma replied “at work” and April replied  “bye!” which ended  the call.  What a short and sweet call to get from your grandchild!

It’s so joyful to know that your toddler grandchild misses you and goes out of her way to phone you.  April abruptly ended her call because she knows grandma cannot talk to her while working, a lesson and rule taught to her from grandma and her parents.  It’s pleasing  to hear how toddlers learn to obey their parents, an important rule that will help them through early childhood development.

At two to three years of age, toddlers begin to learn at genius speeds.  This is their “Planting Twos” years, and all they need is the sharing, teaching and loving discipline of their parents and loved ones.

May and her parents Mark and Olivia, nice, “pat on the back” and way to go!

By Carl Okuyama

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